Day 4
Day 4. Reminds me of the Star Trek intro – Captain’s Log, Day 98933 on the Starship Enterprise, Conducting a search for intergalactic intruders somewhere in the Orion Galaxy.
But it’s only Day 4, the location is Upstate New York, the vehicle is me and the purpose of my journey is to discover how to have an ongoing connection with God. I need to say that I thought I was pretty good at this – until actually doing the 60/60 Experiment. Here’s why - I often pray and read the Bible in the morning. I pause before eating to thank God for the meal and more. I pray with the kids at night. And because of my role as a pastor I pray before meetings and, often, after being with people. I figured I was more than halfway to connecting with God at least hourly. But it hasn’t gone the way I thought it would.
I find myself disrupted when the buzzer beeps and I’m in the middle of something important. Now what? How long do I have to stop to have the pause count? And if I stop will I be able to get my thoughts back on track?
And if I’m with people who are also doing the 60/60 Experiment and the beep beeps, now what? If I stop and pray it feels fake. If I don’t it feels like . . . . . .I’m asking people to do something I’m not willing myself.
And then there’s this – I’m surprised at how disconnected from God I can get in less than an hour.
Next time I write on this blog it will be Day 11. I thought I would be further along the journey by Day 4 so I’m not sure where I’ll be on Day 11 but, in spite of the slow start, I’m convinced this is a journey worth making.
Here’s what I wrote in my journal on Day 2 – I think I’ll read it often because it reminds me why I’m on this road.
What would it look like to have God invade my life?
My life would be characterized by peace. Not that every conflict would disappear but rather the conflict would not overtake my heart.
The presence of God would awaken my mind to the day ahead. To its possibilities and the joy it holds. He reminds me that He will walk with me through every situation I face. I turn to Him for guidance and I listen for His voice. Sometimes I stop what I’m doing to talk with Him. When I’m afraid or angry or tempted I ask Him for perspective.
In my relationships with others I see God’s image in them even when that isn’t my first thought. I follow God’s lead by choosing to get closer to people than I would choose on my own. I get close to others but I don’t give them the power to define me – I choose to be defined first and foremost as “God’s Child.” So, when I am labeled as; “a failure”, “a success”, “a lousy parent”, “a wonderful pastor” – these labels don’t stick. They are the perceptions of people. I hear their voices but there is another voice that is louder and clearer than all the others. It’s His voice I need to hear.
I'd love to hear what you're experiencing as you tackle this Experiment. 'Til next week.
Pastor Steve
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3 comments:
What am I doing?
I have been in this thing called the Soul Revolution for a few days now and haven't even attempted to put into words what I have experienced in these few days. The beginning has...well...begun. The point of doing this 60/60 experiment is to connect with God every 60 seconds for 60 days. Why? I dunno. I guess it is because it would be a way to connect with Him on a daily basis and live like we're supposed to. Or maybe everyone who goes through it has a different reason for doing it.
I'm doing it because I'm selfish and vain. I see a lot of "Me" in the things that I do and not enough "Him" or not enough of my "wife" or "family". I want there to be more of Him and less of me.
I think the first three days were pretty good. The second day ended with the meeting and I kind of felt like I was on cloud nine. Frankly, I have to thank God (and I did, several times) for that meeting. There were only five others there beside myself. I knew the Pastor and there was another guy there I've seen at the Mens Meeting on Saturdays. The rest I only met. But the point I'm getting at is that God was showing me something. He was telling me that I could look and listen to the testimonies of others without thinking of my own. That may not make sense to you, but I have a hard time with meetings. I struggled for the longest time about going and not going and I can't and I won't. This isn't who I am. I can do these things on my own. What do I need a meeting for?
Well, the meeting was encouraging. I met with others who had their own stories to share and I felt like I could know them. Then, I realized that we all had something in common. Not just that we had the 60/60 going on and we were doing that together as a group and as a church. But we also have a risen Savior who really does connect all of us together in ways we normally could not fathom.
I feel unworthy on many days. I really do a number on myself sometimes. I beat myself up pretty good. In spite of it, I am so glad that God looks on the way I see myself and loves me anyway.
So I try to do this experiment. I hit and I miss. I don't know why, but I am really having a hard time getting a watch that beeps every hour. I mean, what is that all about? My cell phone is sort of set, but it only works when it wants to. So I try to be aware of the time so that I can acknowledge God. And maybe I'm getting this wrong...The way I've heard others tell of their experiences, they make it sound like they have to find a closet to kneel and pray in every time there is a beep. I thought that when you hear the beep, you just acknowledge Him right where you are...outloud or in your head. That's the way I've been doing it (well, minus the beep 'cause I'm still having trouble finding that hourly watch that beeps). Look, I think this is working. I don't get it every hour, but I can say I have probably talked to God in the past 4 days than I have since I became a Christ-Follower in 1981. I know He's there! I know He wants me to go forward and so I will.
I'm running out of thoughts so I will go now, and hopefully tomorrow, I'll tell you more about the experiment.
MeB
Yes, day 4. I must say that as much as I thought I had an idea of what I might learn from this 'experiment', things are going a bit different than I expected, but it's all good. I, too, felt I was already pretty regularly connected to God, but this experiment, for me, is a challenge to take my 'connecting' with God to a higher level. I'd like to share one way that the hourly 'beep' has raised my awareness of the nature of my own relationship with God.
I decided, first day, to always carry in my pocket a dated 3x5 card, post an hourly entry, and create sort of a mini-journal of where I am at with God when I hear the 'beep'. I've found that my thoughts swing like a pendulum, and what I end up talking to God about reflects that for sure.
One thing I have found, is that I am often reluctant to be honest with God. I have a tendency sometimes to hear the beep, focus on God's goodness, and that is a good thing.
But I know there are times when I need to be more honest...and not feel compelled to 'sugarcoat' everything I talk to him about. But instead pause... and examine whether or not I have things on my mind that I might just be afraid to talk to Him about. Or I just plain want to delay the conversation altogether. Honestly, I have times, when I hear the beep, and simply 'blow it off'.I just don't feel like talking to God, not now!
So...I'm asking myself, "am I holding things back that I need to share with God, especially knowing in my heart that He truly wants to have that depth of intimacy in our relationship?
I know the answer is "yes", and my prayer tonight is that God will help me get better at being more honest with Him.
God has taught me in my life, that it seems to be that the most important things to say, can very often be what is hardest to say. I'm thinking that I need to carve out some time 'in between the beeps', and talk to God about some things that I know in my heart are important to Him. Even though for me, that might be a bit hard. But, it's doable, for in Jesus I will find the strength.
God's blessings on our Pine Knolls family.
yours truly, in Christ...
Evan
Reading John Burke's blog post about the 60-60 really clarifies what to do when the *beep* occurs. I don't necessarily feel like I need to have an entire, heartfelt prayer each hour, but it does serve as a mental check-in with God. And boy, have there been plenty of circumstances so far where I've needed that reminder.
Nich and I have been doing this for a few weeks now, and in that time, we've sat through a difficult conversation where we both wanted to walk out, waited for people to show up to a meeting for over three hours, dealt with the consequences of other people's decisions, tried to communicate my visa problem to the woman on the other end of the phone line at BOCES without being heard ...
I know that this is life. Like Pastor Steve said, the challenges don't go away, but the way I deal with them can always change for the better.
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